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Jesus vs. Batman

Thanks to Vince T for shar­ing this with me!

Beware, the fol­low­ing could be con­sid­ered offen­sive or sac­ri­le­gious. I think it’s fair game since one troll was out­done by another.

These images might be a bit dif­fi­cult to read, so check the orig­nal link above the pictures.

As I some­what jok­ingly replied to Vince T’s post on Face­book, I am insulted that the Jesus team implied Bat­man would kill Jesus and allow him to use his res­ur­rec­tion abil­ity. Every­one knows Bat­man never kills. Then again, they also called him a Mar­vel hero.

But on a more seri­ous level, I’m kinda dis­turbed at the fact that one of the Jesus team used the “fic­tional” argu­ment against Bat­man mul­ti­ple times. Yes, obvi­ously Bat­man is made up. That’s why Bob Kane always gets cred­ited. I do not believe that there was an actual man named Bruce Wayne who sharp­ened his sur­vivor guilt, need for revenge, and super­hu­man willpower into a crime-​fighting super­hero alter-​ego. At the same time, whether an actual man named Jesus lived or not, I also do not believe he did all those things the Bible says he did. Over a thou­sand years of oral tra­di­tion, trans­la­tion, hand-​copying, edit­ing, com­bin­ing mul­ti­ple sources, and pol­i­tics pretty much guar­an­tees that.

These are both mytho­log­i­cal fig­ures, and their sto­ries are meant to inspire, to teach, to explain, and to enter­tain. Isn’t that more than enough?

Oh, and on a bit of a tan­gent, Azrael and Cru­sader are cast­ing judge­ment on all the heroes of Gotham at the moment. Here’s Tim Drake’s encounter with them:

Tim would actual be the one I’d put money on to pass the chal­lenges, but he is dis­qual­i­fied for being an unbe­liever. This is one of my big­ger stick­ing points with Chris­tian­ity. Why is belief a pre­req? Why can’t you go to Heaven just for being a good per­son? This rule instantly screws any­one who did not know about or was born before Jesus’s life­time. (Sim­i­lar to the unbaptised/​virtuous pagan “Limbo” level of Hell in Dante’s Inferno.) As a pagan (and I’d like to believe a fairly vir­tu­ous one), this both­ers me on an intel­lec­tual level, despite the fact that I do not believe in Heaven or Hell.

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Big Bat Deal

If you haven’t heard, Warner Bros. Pic­tures announced yes­ter­day that Anne Hath­away would play Cat­woman and Tom Hardy would play Bane in Chris Nolan’s next Bat­man movie, The Dark Knight Rises.

I dunno how this strikes you, but it’s kinda a big deal in the comic/​movie nerd-​dom. The Anne Hath­away bit is get­ting a lot of atten­tion in par­tic­u­lar, but I think both parts are impor­tant — espe­cially as the first offi­cial word about the new movie.

Since Dark Knight came out in 2008, the rumor mill/​fan wish­list has been churn­ing out new stuff all the time. First it was Kris­ten Bell as Harley Quinn, Mar­ion Cotil­lard as Cat­woman, Johnny Depp as Rid­dler, and Anne Hath­away as Bat­girl. Then Harley was out since there would be no Joker. Then Heath Ledger’s Joker would be briefly in with either unused footage or CGI, and the impli­ca­tion that Harley could be in again. Then Mar­ion Cotil­lard was out as Cat­woman. Then Johnny Depp was out, but Joseph Gordon-​Levitt might be tak­ing on Rid­dler. Then Tom Hardy was attached for an unknown role. Then Tom Hardy was Dr. Hugo Strange. Then Cat­woman could be any of sev­eral women, includ­ing Megan Fox, Eva Green, Naomi Watts, Keira Knight­ley, Anne Hath­away, Jes­sica Biel, Kate Mara, Char­lotte Riley, and Gemma Arter­ton. I’m sure that’s not in the right order and that there’s plenty more that I missed. This is just rumors that were big enough to be reported and I hap­pened to read them and recall them as I write this. With all that crazi­ness, a bit of clar­ity and focus is good, even if some fans feel their wish­list cast­ings were better.

First, my thoughts on Tom Hardy as Bane: it was def­i­nitely a sur­prise. How­ever, not as bad as other peo­ple have taken it. Bane is a rel­a­tively newer mem­ber of Batman’s Rogues’ Gallery, and for some of my friends, their only expo­sure to him was a brain­less min­ion of Poi­son Ivy’s in the Bat­man & Robin travesty.

In the comics, he was born and raised in a Caribbean prison, forced by the cor­rupt gov­ern­ment to live out his rev­o­lu­tion­ary father’s life sen­tence after his father had escaped the government’s reaches. In prison, he built his body and learned quickly about all top­ics from books and other inmates, includ­ing a priest who taught him the clas­sics. He also grew ruth­less in prison, becom­ing the “king” of Pena Dura. The prison staff try to take him down by forc­ing him to do drug tri­als of “Venom,” which has killed every­one before­hand. Bane sur­vives the drug, though, and finds that it makes him stronger. He mas­ter­minds an escape from prison and go to Gotham, which he sees as a big­ger prison, and aims to unseat Bat­man and become “king” there. He frees the worst of the worst from Arkham Asy­lum to wear down Bat­man, then fig­ures out his iden­tity, sneaks into the Bat­cave, and breaks Bruce Wayne’s back.

I under­stand that Nolan’s Bane will have an Amer­i­can mil­i­tary back­ground instead of a Caribbean prison one. This def­i­nitely works for the phys­i­cal train­ing and the Venom, but I’m not sure how the edu­ca­tion, ruth­less­ness, and moti­va­tion for tar­get­ing Bat­man will work out. It can be done, though. My big­ger con­cern is just how well Bane fits into Nolan’s Gotham. H’s def­i­nitely a gritty real vil­lain, but he plays a slow game, wait­ing months for the other vil­lains to wear Bat­man down after the Arkham break­out. Are they going to have lots of cameos for a Batman-​gets-​tired mon­tage? Maybe Bane will find another way to lower Batman’s guard. Per­haps my biggest con­cern is how the movie will end. Nolan’s con­tract is for three movies, with an option for a fourth, but he does not seem to be inter­ested in exer­cis­ing that option. Will he take the “Man Who Broke The Bat” moment away from Bane? That’s kinda #1 in Bane’s high­light reel. But if Bane does man­age to do this, how does Bat­man “win” ? In the comics, he had some­one else take his place until he got healed by meta-​human pow­ers, which def­i­nitely does not fit in Nolan’s Gotham. (And as a side note, I won­der if Bane will even fig­ure out Bruce’s iden­tity and attack him in the Bat­cave, since the Bat­cave was destroyed at the end of Bat­man Begins and was not rebuilt in Dark Knight.)

As for Anne Hath­away as Cat­woman… it could go either way for me. I think Mar­ion Cotil­lard looked more the part, but hey, Hol­ly­wood can do some crazy shit. And Catwoman’s had a lot of dif­fer­ent looks on the screen and off. As Vince T showed on my Face­book wall, Anne Hathaway’s got the sex appeal down. I’m a bit con­cerned about the action sequences, but that’s what stunt dou­bles are for, and her face will be cov­ered. My biggest gripe about this cast­ing is that I have a hard time see­ing chem­istry between her and Chris­t­ian Bale. Partly because of the age thing, but eight years’ dif­fer­ence is still a lot bet­ter than the twenty-​year gap she faced with Steve Car­rell in Get Smart. (Some parts of that were bor­der­line creepy, saved only by Steve Carrell/​Max Smart’s child­ish­ness.) But moreso because of the com­plex Catwoman/​Batman rela­tion­ship, and how Anne Hath­away has always been type­cast as an ingénue, at least in my mind.

So, what are your thoughts on this news?

Hunter's Moon

The full moon has been linked to crime, sui­cide, men­tal ill­ness, dis­as­ters, acci­dents, birthrates, fer­til­ity, and were­wolves, among other things. It’s Hunter’s Moon tonight — a full moon that is, accord­ing to folk­lore, brighter and longer-​lasting than oth­ers, allow­ing hunters to hunt longer in prepa­ra­tion for win­ter. I sup­pose that means that things will be extra crazy tonight. Hope you’re ready, Vince T!

Oh, and speak­ing of crazy, check this out:

(from Jason Chan Art.)

It’s like a much more epic ver­sion of this old video:

Yep, still got zom­bies on the brain.