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Jacob Never Saw This Coming

December 10, 2007 Education / Family / Friends / Internet / Romance / Work
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WARNING: You may be extremely dis­turbed by the con­tents of this post! Open the Spoiler sec­tion at your own risk.

So lately I’ve been dis­cussing the Lad­der The­ory with a lot of peo­ple lately. I don’t remem­ber how it comes up, but it did in CoHo ran­domly one day. And then with Mo and some other peo­ple. And then at a kick-​back I was at. And just today, Jimmy P, Haley K, and Helen Z were hav­ing a con­ver­sa­tion and Jimmy P made an allu­sion to it, Helen Z tried to say some­thing, and I jumped in to defend the Ladder.

For those of you who don’t know what the Lad­der The­ory is and don’t care to click on the con­ve­nient link I’ve put at the begin­ning of this post, it is a “sci­en­tific” social the­ory about dating.

See, all guys have a sin­gle lad­der onto which they place all women. (For the inter­ests of sim­plic­ity, I’m going to be speak­ing in het­ero­sex­ual terms, but the same thing should apply for homo­sex­u­als.) Let’s start at the top of the lad­der and work our way down:

  • Dream Girl — Out of your league, you don’t bother pur­su­ing these girls.
  • Hot Girl — You’d actively pur­sue the chance to fuck one of these girls.
  • OK Girl — You wouldn’t actively pur­sue one of these, but you wouldn’t say no if they offered.
  • Drunk Girl — You’d have to be drunk before you’d fuck one of these girls.
  • Denial Girl — You’d only fuck one of these girls if you were very drunk, and you wouldn’t admit it afterwards.

Every guy has a slightly dif­fer­ent weight­ing sys­tem, and so the dif­fer­ent “rungs” of the lad­der may be of dif­fer­ent sizes for dif­fer­ent guys. Some rungs have sub­sec­tions, but the basic premise still holds. And how girls get placed onto the rungs can be weighted dif­fer­ently between looks, per­son­al­ity, etc. for dif­fer­ent guys.

If every­one in the world was like this, we’d be a lot more pop­u­lated, and sex wouldn’t be taboo. But unfor­tu­nately, girls aren’t like this. Girls have two lad­ders — the Fuck Lad­der and the Friend Lad­der. A girls’ Fuck Lad­der is sim­i­lar to the top of the guy’s lad­der. The Friend Lad­der also has “rungs” which rep­re­sent dif­fer­ent lev­els of friend­ship. How­ever, the impor­tant thing to note is that every guy a girl meets is instantly placed onto one of her two lad­ders. He can move up and down that lad­der, but can never move from one to the other. Guys who do try to leap from one lad­der to the other fall into the abyss, and are usu­ally removed from the girl’s life.

Now, I’m a pretty big pro­po­nent of the Lad­der The­ory, and I think I’ve had some suc­cess­ful con­ver­sions to it. How­ever, a lot of peo­ple still try to poke holes in the the­ory. The most com­monly asked ques­tion is, “What about the female fam­ily mem­bers of guys?” Well, it’s sim­ple… they are just extremely low on the lad­der. If you put stock in the soci­etal norms that incest is bad, then they will be at the very bot­tom of your lad­der… some­where along the lines of, “Only if you were so drunk, you blacked out, had no idea who it was any­more, and wouldn’t remem­ber it when you sobered up again.”

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So if you have any other ques­tions about the Lad­der The­ory, feel free to shoot me a line. Obvi­ously I’m open on the sub­ject. :shock: Now I’m going to yak and gouge my eyes out for think­ing such things. Not nec­es­sar­ily in that order.

Gone To The Movies

July 14, 2005 Archives / Dinhternet / Friends / Movies / Quote of the Day
1 comment

I’m going to com­bine Sat­ur­day and Sun­day into one post, because I did pretty much the same thing both days. Well, Sat­ur­day, I alter­nated between watch­ing movies on the com­puter and and nap­ping all day long. Saw the Ini­tial D live action movie around lunch. I was bitch­ing to Aaron L about how the damn Chi­nese had slaugh­tered it, and his reply?

“It’s not like the orig­i­nal was Shakespeare.”

- Aaron L.

Sadly true, the orig­i­nal wasn’t the great­est, but doesn’t that make the movie even more crap­pi­ness if they took some­thing so-​so and turned it into vomit?

That evening, I was sup­posed to go see Dark Water with Peggy and some oth­ers, but decided to stay home instead. Oh, and I watched Mr. and Mrs. Smith, because I thought every­one in town had already seen it. I have to agree… that was a hot movie! If Brad Pitt and Ange­line Jolie are allowed to pro­cre­ate, their off­spring will indeed bring about the Fourth Reich. And I’m not talk­ing about automobiles.

Tried to go to sleep around 11, but ended up wak­ing up at 1:30, and couldn’t fall back asleep until 4.

Then there was Sun­day. More movies watched includ­ing Mada­gas­car, Seoul Raiders, Sahara, Inter­preter. I enjoyed the first three, although Seoul Raiders is nowhere near the level that Tokyo Raiders was at. Inter­preter, though… so dry and bor­ing! What the hell is wrong with Nicole Kid­man? I don’t think I’ve liked a movie of hers since Moulin Rouge.

Thu called me up that night to hang out with LJcomm. I was kinda scared to show up, since Jimmy P and Haley have been hat­ing on Din­hter­net so much. :) They said they were going to Slide Hill Park, though, and I couldn’t resist, so I grabbed the DC trays and headed off to Wil­lows. Lit­tle did I know, that would never happen.

After I got to Wil­lows, it seemed like they were drunk already, but they insisted they hadn’t drank yet, so maybe it was just the heat get­ting to them. I swear I felt steam when I stepped into their apart­ment. Stood around and talked for a while, and then we decided to play King’s Cup. Only they play with weird rules, and they drink hard alco­hol instead of beer. (Diluted with Sunny D and/​or what­ever else is handy. They’re crazy, but not sav­age.) Jimmy P, Jane L, and Kevin all had class and/​or midterms in the morn­ing, so it was really just Haley, Thu, and me play­ing. I was alright, except for a headache I had since that after­noon from star­ing at my mon­i­tor all day. And pos­si­bly dehy­dra­tion, too. I ended up “win­ning.” Or “los­ing” … how­ever you see get­ting the fourth King.

Then we went out to chill in the hot tub for a while. The jets were weak, but the water was hot enough to make the air seem cold, so that felt damn good. Just chilled and talked for a while, and a cou­ple of quotes came up.

“Put your box­ers on back­wards so noth­ing slips out.”- Jimmy P to me, since I didn’t have trunks.

I’ve never heard of that before. I didn’t do it, but noth­ing inde­cent hap­pened. Not by me, any­way. Jimmy P and Haley kept try­ing to get Thu H and Jane L to strip. Even­tu­ally, the peo­ple with class got sleepy, so we called it a night.

Keep Fishin'

April 26, 2005 Alpha Phi Omega / Friends / Money / Music / Quote of the Day / Stories / Travel
1 comment

OK, now for the real post about yes­ter­day… (Wow, it’s nice to be caught up.)

Let’s see… woke up around 8 from a dream I had about my old group of friends from San Jose com­ing together again. I feel really bad for los­ing con­tact with them. But yeah… after I left Santa Teresa, they all kinda went their own ways, too. Chris N went down to SoCal after Vy. Adam P moved to Red­ding and got mar­ried. Mike W moved to… Ari­zona, I believe… Nirav S went to UCI. Jason C and Siavash S are still in town. Jason C’s mar­ried and Siavash S is close. Wow… they’re all mar­ried, or were in long-​term rela­tion­ships last time I talked to them. What a long way from the nerd patrol we were in mid­dle school. I’m the only one keep­ing the nerd alive!

Any­ways… played around with the mail­ing lists, but I still couldn’t fig­ure any­thing out. Chat­ted and posted, of course. Read some more MPD Psy­cho. Oh, and kept call­ing peo­ple for Spring Fling. It’s great to be made chair at 1 AM the night before a project. :) Luck­ily, that was early enough to con­tact every­one except one per­son. But that one per­son was kinda wor­ri­some. Made myself some break­fast, and then I was off.

Went to the bank to cash Steph L’s $4 check. Took that and all the change I had to the 76 around the cor­ner to get enough gas to pick peo­ple up and take them to the project. Picked up Peggy S, but she was still eat­ing. That’s OK, because I got there a lit­tle early from my errands and used that time to look up how to get to the project. Which is kinda impor­tant. Picked up David P, Haley K, and Christina K from cam­pus, and then headed to Woodland.

We got to the project just on time. Good thing I decided to go about 15 min­utes ear­lier than I thought absolutely nec­es­sary. The in-​town travel took a while because it was one-​lane traf­fic with lots of reds. The project itself was really fun. First we played musi­cal chairs with the kids, only there was enough seats for every­one, and every seat had a color. After the music stopped, we would pick a color to win, so every­one was a win­ner. (The kids didn’t really catch on.) Then we had them color some paper plate fishies. And then we played a fish­ing game with them where they hold a stick with an alli­ga­tor clip on a string over the “water” and then catch a toy.

After­wards, Haley K told us about how 4⁄25 was Coldstone’s free ice cream day, and the clos­est one is in Wood­land, since the one at the Mar­ket­place isn’t open yet. None of us knew where it was, though, but luck­ily one of the teach­ers did. (It’s by Wal­mart, at the oppo­site end of Main St.) Rolled over there to find out the free ice cream cake is only from 5 PM to 8 PM, so we were a lit­tle too early. Haley K sug­gested wait­ing, but peo­ple had class. And I didn’t really feel like wait­ing hours for a free slice of cake, no mat­ter how deli­cious it might be. Col­lected some gas money to be sure we had enough to get every­one home, and then back to Davis we went.

Chilled at the apart­ment for a bit. Julie C asked me to come over to her place and fix her inter­net. Unfor­tu­nately, I could only get her lap­top online, and not her desk­top. Back to the apart­ment. More chill­ing online. then Eddie C and I caught the bus to cam­pus for the gen­eral meet­ing. It went pretty fast. And it was like the small­est crowd I’ve seen in a while. :???: BComm had two peo­ple to present to… Kim and Tina. Every­one else was miss­ing. :( Oh, and we had no cos­tumed char­ac­ter this time because Clint S was sup­posed to do it, but by the time we were called up, he had to go to work.

MNR was at “U-​Mall.” But that really means it was at Old Tea­house. I don’t get why they didn’t just say Old Tea­house. I wasn’t plan­ning on eat­ing, but once I stepped inside, my stom­ach got the best of me. Thanks aBB for din­ner! :) Chilled there for a while and then remem­bered Jack­son T’s sur­prise party. Caught a ride with Mo W, Almira V, and Merry C to that. Only we were locked out of the sur­prise place for a while. And the Aspen Vil­lage man­ager yelled at us for being too loud on the stairs. What­ever… we were talk­ing in nor­mal voices, and it wasn’t even 10 PM yet.

The “sur­prise” party was pretty chill. Jack­son T didn’t look sur­prised at all. The cake was nice. And Ron L made these… things. They were pas­try wraps with a cream cheese and onion fill­ing. Good, but I wish I had known they were salty before I mixed it with the cake. We mostly just sat around and joked. Quote comes froma ran­dom con­ver­sa­tion I overheard -

“Can I use your bathroom?”

- Ron L to Esther P.

“… what are you going to do?”

- Esther P.

“Num­ber one. … maybe a quick num­ber two.”

- Ron L.

“Aw… wait until you go to Sab­rina W’s!”

- Esther P.

Hehehe. Ron L’s got such a rep­u­ta­tion. :)

After most peo­ple left, we had a lit­tle “story time.” That was hilar­i­ous. Sophia C says I should write a book with all my life sto­ries in it. Espe­cially my bird story. What’s that, you say? You haven’t heard my bird story? Well, gather yon­der, young chil­dren, and let me tell you a tale of long ago. An epic saga of an age now lost when dinosaurs roamed the earth… when men were men and women knew it. ;)

So back when I was at Santa Teresa High School… it was my junior year, and I was tak­ing a quiz in my Math Analy­sis class. It was some­time in May, so the weather was on the warm side, and the AC hap­pened to be bro­ken in the build­ing, so my teacher left the door open in the off chance that a ran­dom breeze would cool us down. In the mid­dle of our quiz, a bird flies into the room. Some peo­ple get freaked out, so the teacher starts play­ing with the light switch, hop­ing that it would make the bird go back out­side. The bird wasn’t hav­ing, it, though… it just cir­cled the room, above our heads. And every time it flew over me, it shat on my head. Not once, not twice, but three times, it shat on my head. It didn’t hit any­thing else in the room. And after the third time, it took off, never to return.

The bird had never even landed inside. It’s almost as if its only pur­pose in life was to come get me. So after that, I quickly fin­ished up my quiz, and then asked to go to the bath­room to clean myself off. This was right before lunch, too. I didn’t really feel like eat­ing after that. Oh, and to the peo­ple who won­dered why I didn’t move after I got hit the first time… I didn’t think it would hit me two more times. I mean, seri­ously… what are the odds?!