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The Mailbag

I got a ques­tion from Tony Q on my Form­Spring account yes­ter­day. It’s been so long since I checked it, I for­got all about my queue of ques­tions wait­ing to be answered. Sorry for not hit­ting your ques­tion right now, Tony Q, but I looked over my list, and this one just made an old mem­ory jump out and slap me.

What’s the scari­est dream you’ve ever had?

Although I wouldn’t say that I do not believe in the super­nat­ural, I would have weigh in some­where in the range of a hard­core skep­tic. How­ever, if there is a sin­gu­lar expe­ri­ence that would ever con­vince me beyond any doubt of the Great Beyond, this would be it. (Yes, even moreso than my weird Ring video story.)

My fam­ily had just moved back to San Jose from Chicago. My new bed­room was at the end of a hall­way, with the foot of bed pointed towards the door to my room so I could see part­way down the hall. I don’t know if it was the new bed or what, but I was pretty rest­less the first cou­ple of nights, and just had a really hard time falling asleep. Then I had the strangest dream.

I dreamed that I would wake up in a cold sweat in my bed, but that I was par­a­lyzed. I couldn’t move my body, and when I tried to yell for help, noth­ing came out.

Then I would notice that my bed­room door was open and the hall­way light was on. I’d feel the pres­ence of a shad­owy fig­ure at the end of the hall, and saw that it was slowly approach­ing me. It seemed to glide, not walk, and the closer it got, the more I filled with dread and my chest would feel like it was get­ting squeezed tighter and tighter until I would burst.

I’d panic, and try to fight it, to get out of bed, to scream, any­thing. But noth­ing worked in my dream. My only release was sud­denly wak­ing up and see­ing that there was noth­ing there; that I was actu­ally OK. But the next night, I’d have the same dream again. I actu­ally real­ized that I was dream­ing in my dream, but it didn’t mat­ter. I was still stuck, and the fig­ure was still com­ing. Each night, the fig­ure got a lit­tle bit closer before I could wake up. I kept try­ing to think of new ways to get rid of the dream. I’d make sure I locked my bed­room door before I went to bed. I’d always double-​check that the hall­way light was turned off. I’d try keep­ing the light in my room on. Noth­ing worked. Every night, I’d have the same dream. And every night, the fig­ure came a lit­tle closer. I asked my par­ents what to do, and they told me to pray and that Bud­dha would keep me safe. I tried pray­ing before I went to sleep and in my dream, but nei­ther kept the fig­ure away.

One night, the fig­ure came all the way to the foot of my bed. She pulled back her dark hood to reveal an old witch. And then she slowly floated up over, her hands reach­ing towards my face. I had never been so ter­ri­fied in my life. Her fin­gers were to my eyes when I finally woke up. And then I never had the dream again.

To Make Room For The Cupcake

OK, this week­end, I’ll tackle one of the more involved Form­Spring ques­tions. For now, here’s another short one:

Do you still have GIR and where is it now?”

For those of you who don’t know, one of my favorite car­toons is Invader Zim and I have big pil­low of GIR, a char­ac­ter from the show. It looks some­thing like this:

Except my ver­sion didn’t have an ice cream cone. Every­one in the dorms love to fon­dle it (the bulging eyes can be cupped sug­ges­tively) and Ali­son W would often bor­row it for extended peri­ods of time.

I do still have GIR. He’s in a box in my room with a bunch of other stuffed ani­mals. I never unboxed them because my bed is smaller now and I’m try­ing to declut­ter my room.

Any­way, if you haven’t seen Invader Zim, you should def­i­nitely check it out! I have the DVDs if you want to bor­row them, or you can find the whole series… else­where online. (You should also check out Johnny The Homi­ci­dal Maniac, a comic book by the same writer, Jho­nen Vasquez.)

Incom­ing search terms:

  • gir invader zim stuffed animal

Outside The Asylum

My front page is noth­ing but the music meme. Time to get some more posts up. I’m sit­ting on a longer one, but for now, I’ll answer another Form­Spring question:

What is the answer to the ulti­mate ques­tion of life, the uni­verse, and everything?”

42!

If there is an Ulti­mate Answer, it’s prob­a­bly some­thing hyper­di­men­sional that will lit­er­ally blow my mind if I were to ever find out. (Sim­i­lar to Cthultu’s name. Hmm…) Or maybe it will be the key to enlight­en­ment and nir­vana.

But in any case, I’m not Reed Richards, Fran­cis Way­land Thurston, or the Dalai Lama, so on a more prac­ti­cal level of daily liv­ing, I’d like to think that mean­ing is cre­ated, not dis­cov­ered, since that’s the dif­fer­ence between free choice and des­tiny. Sim­i­lar to evo­lu­tion, there is no “ulti­mate goal” state or form, there’s just us try­ing to be the best we can.