Shit Out Of Luck

Eh… I’m bored, so I guess I’ll write up that story I men­tioned ear­lier today about New Year’s.

So for New Year’s 2004, a bunch of us decided to cel­e­brate it in Frisco, because it beats the hell out of cel­e­brat­ing it in Sac. We all went to David’s place and chilled there, eat­ing and drink­ing, and then MUNIed out to the Embar­cadero a lit­tle before midnight.

As we were stand­ing around wait­ing for the fire­works, Nature calls. Some­thing I had for din­ner must have dis­agreed with me, so I high-​tail it over to the Porta-​Potties. Of course, there’s a fat line of drunk peo­ple, so I stand around for days doing the “don’t pee” dance. I finally get to the front of the line, and step into the Porta-​Potty to find that there’s just shit EVERYWHERE. Lit­er­ally, shit across the walls and just as far as the eye could see. But I REALLY had to go, so I just hov­ered the best I could and did my business.

Get back to the group and chill for a bit more, when some­one, I think it was Marissa, pointed out that I had a wet spot on my pants. I look down to see that not only was it a wet spot, it was a shit stain. HOLY SHIT! And judg­ing from the loca­tion (back of the knee), it wasn’t even mine. I just didn’t hover well enough.

So I ran back to the Porta-​Potty line as fast as pos­si­ble, and asked very nicely to cut in front. The two girls I asked laughed their asses off at me when I pointed out my rea­son. I didn’t care, though. I just wanted to get it off. Pronto! So yeah, I jumped into the next Porta-​Potty open that wasn’t the one I used orig­i­nally, and used a good por­tion of the roll of toi­let paper to clean myself off as best I could.

What a great way to start off the new year, huh? Oh, and for the rest of the night, every­one called me “Dinhy Bobby Poopy Pantsy.”

Tags: Work